I am no self help guru or even as an advise specialist, i fall way short. I like to write, even there, people far more gifted in these matters, will say i fall short. However sometimes a subject matter lends itself to an interesting for me, old lesson in the tail, tale or tell.
Perhaps the simple answer to raising children, to parenting is an important approach of making sure, you as the loving parent drive your own child personally into adulthood.
When they want to climb out the family car. (which in any normal household, is often), the parent simply locks the doors. You see, to my simple mind, an inexperienced very young map reader, should never be put into a position to lead through perilous terrain.
Also, it is wise perhaps to never give a young child, unable to drive, the keys or allow them to steer the car on dangerous roads. Well before its time really. The map to adulthood is for parents to hold 100%. Well thats if one wants the chance of creating a well adjusted adult.
With rules of the car drive into adulthood very clearly established, the drive should become simpler. However, not without its huge volitile teenage challenges. eish, i am gray, podgy, and have a twitch for very good reason - parenting stress. As ive clearly said, im no guru and this road we travel is not without its lack of guru mindset challenges.
Many parents today happily give a little, very young Johnny & Jane, the adulthood drive keys to the family car, and then go sit in the back seat. So when inexperienced little J&J completely derail, they still can not fathom the folly of their utter complete stupidity.
Oh lets just give over the complete raising of my children to a coach, a guidance councillor, a nun, a teacher, a priest, a family friend, any other family on earth. Are these people completely mad, fully certifiably insane? The VERY best person, the most over qualified is a loving parent. Only in the complete absence of a loving parent, then the rest, the backup crew, the B team can apply. We can write a story for those selfish parents who dont try love their own children. palm them off on everyone else. But we wont, the backlash will be astronomical to say the least. Those absolute imbeciles that seem to now be growing in number.
To my mind, adults, parents must always lead, and children must try to simply keep up and follow. it is the age old way.
Well unless your New Age, of course, then you let the pied piper lead all the children. Or better yet. You become a pied piper type, as you happily flute your kids into a raging tempestuous sea to die. That would be just after you get your nails and hair done, a mottled avo green to match the drapes.
Looking now very sadly at the complete independance of our many cast off street children. These bright young kids are given total independance in life by adults. It doesn't always really create a stable well adjusted adult end product. What does create a well adjusted adult is genuine love. Reaching over the divide with, practical material needs, kindness, love, emotional support and adult advise and help. This really does make a huge difference in a street childs total lack of adult input lives. It is love that will give them everything, and love sometimes is discipline, working within a clear structural framework. Children without structure, tend to create there own perameters. Which can fall short because of the lack of life experience.
Another huge challenge today is, most little Johnnys and Janes have never ever heard the word NO!!
You say NO to anyone, and you will very quickly learn what they really think of you.
Its really life lessons that we put infront of our children that will help them. Some lessons are very important to their overall growth. All lessons are not really easy to teach and learn, thats a fact.
To teach children from a young age to have very good manners and to be kind. Means they need to be very aware of others all around them. Thinking of others rights before ones own helps create peace. This bullying of my rights before yours is a powder keg of explosive dynamite and tnt. Today its an absolute right to express your rights first. Which works out to be a rather very long conversation after the first hello how are you?
Bare with me as i try to relate a small simple tale, perhaps its a silly little nothing story for you. A little left of center narrative of hero knights, dragons, and damsels in distress. No, no, not really any dragons in this story today.
Learning the protector role in the tapestry, stitches, and beautiful thread making of life, as it weaves its many unique cotton cloth tales for the outcome of a technicolor coat.
We try to teach our children that there are many characters we can become in life. We must all try carefully to choose the correct characteristics to add to our own personality. As we travel these highways and byways of life. Which could turn us into a terrible stepmother, a jealous step sister or brother, a wicked step queen, a terrible king. Or perhaps its being the kind hero, heroine that appeals to them.
I always, from a very early age, told my daughter the story of the modest farm girl. It's a story i heard long before. but i can't remember the exact details or even the name of the farm girl. But that should not really get in the way of the gist of a tale that i wanted to tell for the ages. Embellish much i did, the core of the tale is not my own, just to be very clear before the onset.
I can see the avo greens are all about to start frothing to bite. Bly net kalm!!
I share it now because these lessons are seen only in the outcome of the end product adult. Perhaps It is a lesson not understood by many today, unfortunately. The embroidered existing little story goes like this.
Lessons we teach our kids, whispered in the home. Are amplified in the conduct of the grown adult. Sometimes the kid doesnt learn the valuable lesson and learns it in life. But the teaching by a parent is still important.
Here is the story.
A prince of a very faraway land wanted to wed. He called all the marriageable young ladies in the kingdom to come to the palace. He gave a very definite time and said any lady who is late will be disqualified from being considered. He did not leave much time for the 4 corners of the kingdom to be traversed, an arduous journey of wolves, highwaymen, renegade smurfs, and a tiger.
The farmgirl was very happy when she heard the invite, as the prince was known to be very kind and there were very few prospects in the land.
It was a very cold winter, so she dressed warmly and took her trusty horse. She hadn't gone far, and she saw an ugly old woman struggling in the snow. She felt very sorry for the poor lady and gave her the horse. She said to her , "My horse will take you to my farmhouse, where you will find warmth and food." She carried on and then came across an old, smelly little old man. Who was freezing cold in the snow. She had only her warm coat to help him get warm, which fitted him perfectly. She said, "Follow my tracks. My house is not far, it is yours to recoup in."
She carried on walking to the castle. It was rather late now, but she still had time. She came across a little mouse, and it was stuck in a hunters trap. She needed to spend much time untangling the little chap. She did. On she went. She then came across another young girl, also making her way to see the prince at the castle. She had no shoes on her feet. So the farmgirl gave her a shoe and said, "Let's keep each other warm and in good company as we hobble together.""
Just before the castle, she came across a badly injured dog that needed bandages. She told the other girl to proceed ahead, and she spent much time caring for the injured dog by tearing up her dress to use as bandages.
Needless to say, she arrived at the castle very late and looked like a kaapse bergie. She was very cold and in rags, one shoe on, ripped dress, no warm clothes, alone and very hungry.
The gatekeeper chased her away with a disapproving shout and a look. She humbly complied and started walking the long, cold road home, deeply disappointed, cold and near death.
Not long after leaving the gate, she met the ugly old lady on her horse, the smelly old man in her coat, the happy freed mouse, the one shoe girl, and the bandaged up injured dog.
They were all the princes' family and pets, and they welcomed her gladly back to the castle.
The prince had been watching each scenario and knew he had found a gem. Because genuine spiritually aligned kindness is such a beautiful, rare quality. It's the only beauty above all else, really.
Fluit, fluit my storie is nou uit.
Stories i told my kids and other tales of yore. Its not always in the telling, but in the doing. But a good telling can be a road to a good doing.
